Your Partner Just Cheated on You: Do You Stay?

Here are some guidelines to help you determine how to handle an infidelity in your relationship.

Almost everyone I’ve ever met has assured me that they wouldn’t tolerate being in a relationship with someone who cheats. They wouldn’t continue dating someone who ends the relationship.

Nonetheless, I work with people from all over the world who have encountered this circumstance and are unsure of what to do once a month at my office.

Let’s face it, no one goes into a relationship prepared for an affair. Never once have I had a client come to me asking for advice on what to do if they were in a relationship with someone who was cheating on them. It doesn’t make sense.

And yet, here you are. Someone just cheated on you. Or perhaps they have a history of cheating. Or perhaps they have been involved in a long-term, even year-long affair with a single person.

How do you proceed? Let’s examine this.

1. Are you ready to move on?

First and foremost, as the one who has been betrayed, I ask both parties if they are willing to put in the effort required to mend the relationship.

Answering this question is not simple. Some may argue that this isn’t the case at all, stating that they came here to get rid of the cheater because they can’t handle being around them. He will never have my faith.

Since it is evident that they have no interest in working, ending the relationship would be the best course of action for them.

However, if someone tells me that they want to work on the relationship and that they want to do the necessary work, then we decide to start working on that day.

2. Are you prepared to battle for the partnership?

If you’ve read this far, you may be among those who are prepared to battle for your partner and your relationship. However, things get complicated now. If your partner is the one that cheated, is he or she willing to put in the same amount of work?

In this instance, I will thus ask the cheater if they are prepared to work really hard over the course of the following year in order to win back the trust of the person they deceived.

They could be in for a wild ride if the answer is yes, but it might be worthwhile. As a counselor, I advise ending the marriage or relationship if the response is negative. I will not, under any circumstances, work with a relationship if the individual who had the affair is unwilling to dedicate a full year to healing and earning back their partner’s confidence.

3. Is your partner willing to work to establish trust in the relationship

You’ve both need to be willing to put in the work if you’ve read this far.

To rebuild trust, the individual who cheated must be prepared to comply with reasonable requests from their spouse.

For the majority of couples I’ve worked with, this implies that the one who cheated has to be willing to sever all ties with the person they cheated on.

“I can’t tell them we are not going to communicate anymore today because tomorrow is her birthday,” is one of the more straightforward responses. Alternatively, I will have to wait till next week to convey the news because, as you know, they have their kids this weekend.

The individual who cheated will comply with all requests if they genuinely want to get back in the relationship. Without holding back. Without a doubt. Their partner will only be able to tell in this way that they truly intend to rebuild the relationship and make apologies. Subsequently, it is up to the non-cheating partner to establish the conditions necessary for them to regain their partner’s trust.

Sometimes the individual who didn’t cheat will ask their spouse to text them with a background photo of where they are every hour on the hour.

This should not be viewed as absurd in the effective reclamation of love. To begin to feel that their partner will be reliable in the future, the person who did not cheat must be able to ask their partner to do almost anything, as long as it is reasonable.

4. Accept accountability for any actions that may have led to your partner’s straying.

Asking the client who did not cheat what part they played in their partner’s affair is the last exercise I assign to them. Did they fall asleep in bed? Did they become more industrious at work as a result of their relationship’s resentment? I have not yet had the opportunity to deal with a couple in a stable relationship when there has been an infidelity. It is never stable. That’s the initial reason for someone having an affair.

Therefore, the goal of this final exercise is to persuade the non-straying party to acknowledge their role in the marriage’s collapse. or the relationship’s dysfunction. And at this point, the individual must begin addressing their grievances, the causes of their increased drinking, workaholic tendencies, or infidelity. For both parties, this is an essential step in the healing process.

After an affair, couples that heed the aforementioned counsel can rebuild their love. Even if there are children, it can be advisable to gradually end the relationship if there is hesitancy on either side. This is because being in a relationship where trust is not being rebuilt and resentments are not being let go of would eventually result in hell on earth.