Why Every Couple Must go Through Premarital Counseling Before the Wedding?

I won’t officiate a wedding as a pastor unless the couple has gone through premarital counseling with me. Premarital counseling offers some couples the chance to fortify an already wholesome and solid connection. It serves as proactive marital preparation. Others get the chance to delve further into topics or points of contention during premarital therapy. Finally, for some couples, it’s a chance to “pull back the curtain” and make some important character, belief, or value issues public.

What sort of person are you? In my opinion, this is the single most crucial aspect in determining whether or not your marriage will succeed.

I ask each person to answer the following questions about themselves and their partner:

  • Do I or my partner typically choose the quickest route or shortcuts, or are we both more interested in carrying out the proper thing?
  • Do my partner and I frequently let our emotions or our character to rule us?
  • Do my partner and I follow our principles and priorities or are we controlled by our moods?
  • Do my partner and I constantly put others before ourselves, or do we expect others to cater to us?
  • Do my partner and I look for justifications more often than we do for solutions?
  • Am I or my partner likely to quit, give up, or fail to follow through, or are we tenacious and reputed to complete what we begin?
  • Do my partner and I express our thankfulness more often than we complain?

Over the years, I’ve worked with a lot of distressed married couples where one partner would have been able to spare the other a great deal of suffering, disappointment, and anguish by thoughtfully answering these questions.

Managing expectations

Pre-marital counseling also aids couples in creating or modifying new or revised expectations for marriage. Nearly all couples have some sort of irrational expectations for their marriage. These are sometimes known as “myths of marriage. “These “myths” originate from many places. They might originate from our own parents, friends, the media, the culture, or even the church.

Helping couples understand that getting married doesn’t automatically transfer need satisfaction is vital. Each person must be accountable for their needs even after marriage. Naturally, a happy couple will desire to take care of each other’s needs. Couples run into trouble when they cede control or insist that the other bear all the blame.

I have heard, on an uncountable number of occasions throughout the years, “He or she isn’t who I thought they were when we got married. “Couples fail to realize that their dating experience isn’t reality, which is one explanation for this. Dating is all about attempting to win the other person over. Transparency is not always the result of this pursuit. The traditional dating process is all about being and exhibiting your best qualities. Couples often overlook important details, which only serves to exacerbate the situation. The focus is on the emotions of love, highlighting your partner’s positive traits and downplaying their negative ones.

How premarital therapy can be beneficial?

It is crucial for both parties to consider all the variations in personality, experiences, backgrounds, and expectations during premarital counseling. I give serious consideration to couples who are willing to face and accept their differences. I want couples to understand that the differences they ignore or think are “cute” today will probably rapidly become a pain after the wedding.

During premarital therapy, couples can start learning how to appreciate and embrace their differences, recognize and accept their limitations, and build on one other’s strengths.

A quote regarding marriage often makes me think of the phrase, “A woman marries a man thinking she can change him and a man marries a woman thinking she will never change.”

Premarital counseling is crucial in imparting the notion that marriage is not ultimately about happiness. Should we anticipate happiness from marriage? Definitely, we ought to. However, if a couple has happiness as their top priority, they will unavoidably fail. That assumption ignores the truth that a successful marriage involves effort. Many couples make the error of thinking that a successful marriage comes naturally.

These couples assume something is wrong if it isn’t simple, which can rapidly turn into someone else. To have a successful marriage, each of us must be accountable for our own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Because of this, one partner is able to move toward the other out of security and not from a position of need or desperation.