To Fight or Not to Fight? Individual Therapy Can Help

This made me feel really helpless. How could it be true that I was doomed to either be stuck in a dull, steady, but passionless relationship, or to be in a relationship with plenty of passion and fighting? This struck me as a rather draconian penalty for having grown up in a dysfunctional family.

To deal with this, I engaged in a variety of mental activities. At one point, I came to the conclusion that the only way to have a stable marriage with a dash of passion on the side was to be in an open relationship. But I intuitively saw that wouldn’t be a good fit for me.

Why I chose therapy

I battled with this conundrum for many years while working at my job. I was well aware that my erratic upbringing was the cause of my attraction to these types of partners. I therefore attended treatment more frequently than once a week, of course. To get more therapy done, I skipped vacations in favor of retreats. My soul had to be exposed during the retreats, and I had to delve deeply into my own inner workings.

They were difficult and pricey. When I might have been lying on a beach in Mexico, did I really want to spend a week sobbing and remembering my childhood pain? Nope. Did I want to confront all of my fears and demons? Not particularly. Did I relish exposing the aspects of myself that I felt ashamed of to others? Not at all. But I desired a stable partnership, and I sensed that this was the way to get it.

I was correct. It works.

I gradually let go of my previous habits, convictions, and interests. I gradually discovered what was preventing me from moving forward. I got well. I pardoned. I developed. I developed self-love and became who I truly am.

Now, mind you, I never recognized I needed to mature. maybe you need to heal. I was OK. I wasn’t anxious or depressed. I wasn’t puzzled or lost. I wasn’t having any problems besides the fact that my relationships were terrible. Serial monogamy was becoming stale, just as I was. But I was aware that I was the link between all of my relationships. I so concluded that I needed to change.

Much had changed. I underwent changes I never could have predicted. And I finally came across a healthy, stable man that I had a serious crush on. He is one of the uncommon persons whose childhood was fantastic, which is not surprising. Although I initially didn’t think it was true, it turns out to be the case. We don’t argue, and we don’t often set each other off. When we do, we talk about it in a nice and tender way, and thereafter, we both experience an increase in love.

Nowadays, I see a lot of couples for therapy who complain to me that they argue often but yet want to stay together because they are so in love. I always give them the truth: It will take a lot of work, but I can help.

I tell them that the reason they argue is because their spouse is making an old wound in them resurface. And that the only way to put an end to the chaos is by curing yourself.

They probably don’t believe me most of the time. They believe they can simply locate a partner who won’t set them off. They hold the opinion that “it’s not me, it’s him/her.” They’re terrified, too. No doubt. Likewise, I felt fear. I understand.

However, some couple decide to travel together. And this is the reason I work with couples. This is the reason I exist. I get to travel with them on a beautiful and breathtaking experience. I get to watch them fall in love with each other in a brand-new way as they develop into more complete individuals who are capable of loving as adults.

So feel free to continue battling if necessary. Alternately, keep looking for someone you won’t argue with. or settle and give up. Or persuade yourself that marriage isn’t what you were destined for. Better, I know. You can have what I have, I’m sure of it. Everyone has the ability to recover.

All that counseling wasn’t really that horrible. Similar to labor, once it’s finished it doesn’t seem all that horrible. In fact, you seemed to enjoy it. and desire to repeat it.