The Two Pillars Upon Which Love Stands

According to my perspective, trust and respect are the two foundational elements of love. This idea is really significant. For love to blossom and last, these two conditions must be met. This implies that in order to avoid losing affection for the person we are in a relationship with, we must respect and trust them.

The statement “Love and lies don’t go together, at least not for long” was written by one of my favorite writers, Stephen King. Mr. King was 100 percent correct. The lies will eventually accumulate and erode any confidence or trust we may have had in our partners. Love, or true love at least, cannot endure without confidence.

When you trust someone, you know that they will follow through on their promises when they state, “I’m going to do something, ___________ (fill in the blank).” I’m going to make dinner, get a job, pick up the kids from school, etc. I think they follow through on their promises when they make them. You receive “A” when I say “A,” not “B” or “C.” You’re going to get what I promised. This action conveys various more messages in addition to the fact that we expect they will act and that we trust them.

1. It reflects maturity

You can never be certain whether your partner will follow through on a promise if they act like a toddler. Adults follow through on their commitments. Second, it lets me cross things off my “to do list” with confidence that it will still be completed. I am relieved about this. Finally, it implies that we can believe “their word.” Being able to trust our partners’ “word” is crucial in partnerships these days. We start to doubt everything if you can’t be trusted or if you can’t rely on your partner to keep their word. We have questions regarding everything we ask of them. Will they succeed? Will they keep this task in mind? Will I have to nag them or prod them into doing it? We get hopeless when we are unable to trust our companion.

In order to envision a better future with our partner, hope is crucial. In the absence of hope, we become pessimistic about the future and our ability to be in a relationship with an adult or someone who can be the kind of partner and parent we need to carry the other half of the load. that we will only have to shoulder a portion of the work involved in taking care of our kids, maintaining a home, making ends meet, etc., or that we are equally yoked.

2. It verifies that what they say is accurate.

It is implied by trust that they will follow through on their commitments. It also suggests that you can believe what they say. The same dynamic is at play whether someone embellishes, lies, or bends the truth. We start to doubt everything if our kids lie 5% of the time. Ninety-five percent of their statements are questioned. This depletes intimacy and requires a lot of energy. When our partners believe that they were telling the truth 95% of the time, they too feel misunderstood and frustrated. However, there is a proverb in psychology that states, “Anxiety arises from either an uncertain future or a task for which we are ill-prepared.” It is difficult to build a long-term connection on the shaky foundation of things happening or not happening, of believing or not believing someone.

3. It displays accountability

I believe that the fact that trust is the foundation for our capacity to leave the house at the start of the workday is another reason it is so vital to a relationship. I am less afraid that my partner will cheat on me or have extramarital affairs if I trust them since they are trustworthy. How am I to feel confident in my assumption that they won’t have an affair if I can’t trust them in our everyday lives? We have to trust our partners, or otherwise our subconscious would always worry that they are up to anything that will make us feel insecure. We understand that we are leaving ourselves vulnerable to hurt or broken hearts if we can’t trust our partners.

In addition to the uncertainty of whether you can trust your partner, there’s also the whole problem of their ire when they think you don’t believe them—since, this time, they were telling the truth. This inevitably results in parallels between their actions and those of a toddler. I’m not sure how often I’ve heard someone say, “It feels like I have three kids,” while in therapy. Being compared to a child will enrage a man or woman more quickly and make them feel more insulted than anything else.

Relationship trust concerns

It’s challenging to learn to trust as an adult. Most of the time, trust is a skill we acquire as children. We come to trust our brothers, sisters, parents, and teachers. Next, we discover how to trust our first instructor as well as the other children in the area. We get the ability to trust our first boss, first girlfriend or boyfriend, and our bus driver. That’s how we develop our ability to trust. When we come to terms with the fact that our parents are abusing us sexually, physically, or emotionally, we begin to doubt our ability to trust people in general.

We have trust issues even if our parents aren’t the ones abusing us if they don’t shield us from the uncle, grandfather, or other abuser. We experience trust challenges if we have early relationships marked by dishonesty or betrayal. This makes us question our ability to trust. Do we have to trust? Alternatively, some people think it would be preferable for us to exist as an island where we are independent of everyone else. Nobody can harm someone who is not dependent on them, doesn’t require anything from them, and is not obligated to them. It’s more secure. Safer, but perhaps not necessarily more pleasant. Even so, there are many who long for a relationship while having trust concerns, often known as intimacy issues.

Not trusting your partner is holding back love

Being untrusting of our spouse causes us to start withholding parts of our hearts, which is one of the main reasons trust is such a crucial component of a relationship. We start to get cautious. I often tell my clients that when we don’t trust our spouse, we begin to withhold a portion of our hearts—10%, 30%, or 50% of them—either slightly, significantly, or completely. Even when we aren’t going somewhere, we do question “How much of my heart should I be holding back” for portions of the day.

We inquire, “What if they betray me and I put myself in their hands?” We begin to observe the choices they make on a daily basis and utilize those choices to determine how much or how little of our hearts we should be keeping hidden. This implies that we withhold from them access to our inner selves, our capacity for self-care, and our future plans for them. We begin preparing ourselves for the worst-case scenario of having our trust violated. We don’t want to be taken off guard or rendered blind.

Because we have a deep-seated understanding that we will eventually suffer harm if we can’t trust them. in an attempt to lessen the pain and to lessen this feeling of impending hurt. We begin to withhold our affection and concern for them. Be cautious now. We are aware that we run the risk of getting injured if we let them into our hearts and show them compassion and trust. This is how we try to lessen the pain. We are afraid of what could be. We want to be in charge of how much we are harmed when that day comes. essentially to reduce the likelihood that we will be completely destroyed. We are aware that in order to be able to work, we must continue to support our children. We rationalize to ourselves that we can only suffer minor harm if we minimize our susceptibility to them.

When we fully trust, our energies are more productive.

On the other hand, we fantasize about a relationship in which we can fully open up to one other. a partnership in which we have complete faith that our spouse has our best interests at heart. One in which we don’t waste time analyzing their everyday behaviors and attitudes to choose how much of our own selves we will risk and how little of our hearts we will reveal. One where we have complete faith in them. One in which we can direct our resources away from self-defense and toward constructive endeavors.

Trust is essential because it allows us to put our hearts in someone we can rely on to keep their word. We are able to put our love in them. We become vulnerable as a result of opening up our inner selves to them. On the other hand, we know that we should withhold a corresponding amount of our hearts if they have demonstrated that they cannot be trusted with minor matters.

Refusing to trust someone makes your connection seem less desirable.

We may be holding back a piece of our hearts, whether or not our partners notice. Furthermore, a person does not always intend to leave their partner just because they choose to withhold a portion of their heart. It just indicates that someone is afraid that their emotions might be threatened and that they ought to instinctively jump into self-defense mode. Most people begin to fantasize about leaving their partner and think about how wonderful it would be to be with someone they can trust when they begin to withhold a small portion of their hearts. People begin to genuinely prepare backup plans in case they are betrayed when they withhold more portions of their hearts. Again, this does not necessarily indicate that they are heading out, but they want to be ready for anything.