The Two Kinds of Abusers: Why It Is Hard to Leave Them

People frequently ponder why so many women who stay with their abuser despite being beaten and subjected to horrifying abuse. Additionally, there is still much to learn about this complicated issue. But we already know a great deal about the dynamics of the abuser-victim relationship and the unconscious fears that afflict both parties. Furthermore, we have a good understanding of individuals who physically mistreat the ladies they were tasked with looking out for and shielding from harm. There are two types of abusers, and leaving each one is difficult for a different reason.

1. The abuser who is a slow simmer

She gets the uneasy sense that something is going to go wrong today as soon as her husband’s car pulls into the driveway. She simply knows when the moment is close for her husband to loose his rag and turn violent once more since the pattern has been recurring for years; it’s not some sort of paranormal intuition. He last hit her a long time ago, after which he apologized profusely and vowed never to do it again.

Subsequently, the apology was forgotten by all, and the animosity escalated once more. He’s going to start yelling and fighting, and no matter how she replies, he’s going to get violent and the cycle will start over. Today, everything she says or does will be incorrect, and she will be held responsible for everything. This is a slow-simmering abuser, one of two types.

There is not much the victim could have done to stop the impending aggressiveness, despite the apparent warning signs that violence will follow tensions that arise between the abuser and the victim. Compared to the next class of men we will discuss, these men are simpler to leave, but it is also more difficult to avoid returning to them. They frequently beg for forgiveness, chase after their victims, and when they don’t respond to their apologies and promises, they can hurt, stalk, and even kill their ex-partners. This usually culminates in another, albeit more violent, incident of violence.

2. Abusers with short fuse

Because there is no gradual build-up of stress, the second type of abusers is maybe more frightening and dangerous. J. and her partner appeared to be having the ideal day. They were having a terrific time together, laughing, going to a concert, and generally having a nice day. A man approached J. at the performance after her boyfriend left to fetch drinks. She didn’t appear to decline him for her boyfriend fast enough. When he led her outside, he seemed perfectly composed. Then, without warning, he struck her so forcefully that she fell to the ground. All he said was, “Don’t disrespect me.”

These guys respond rapidly, going from zero to one hundred in a heartbeat. Not only is there no warning, but they cannot be stopped. And for two reasons, it’s harder to leave such a man than it was with the abuser before. In addition to being pathologically enthralled with their spouse, victims understandably worry for their safety should they leave their abuser. These guys treat their wives like property, and they won’t hesitate to discipline them if they disobey.

The fact that it appears there is no turning back once the abuse episode starts is intriguing and frequently demoralizing for the women who become the victims of these men. There’s no stopping the storm of anger and belligerence once the “switch” turns, be it a lightning-fast reaction without warning or a slowly building calamity. Every relationship is unique, and generalizations are invariably a little off.

But one thing is certain: being in a relationship when there is physical abuse is terrible and hazardous. Whatever action needs to be taken, it needs to happen swiftly, be it leaving the abuser or going through couples counseling. Getting a clear image of what is actually happening is the first step. It is not ephemeral, it is not vanishing, and it is not more attractive than it appears. Therefore, if you are being abused, do not hesitate to seek for assistance when you need it, and courageously leave the harmful environment you are in.