The Gift of Forgetting the Bad Memories

The idea that fish have a three-second memory caught my attention once. It would appear that a fish is pretty content swimming around without any memory of stress, yet this information cannot be proven. From the tank in the fish market, a goldfish or other tropical fish is moved to a plastic bag, then to a new tank with new water at a new temperature.

A gill-bearing aquatic organism would experience a severe shock from this. Not to mention sharing a school with other young fish that are not always kind or an owner who occasionally may forget to feed them. However, a fish with a three-second memory cannot cling to hurt or harbor resentment toward the past. He swims quietly.

What if you approached each situation as though it were your first time meeting that person?

What if you didn’t harbor any grudges, hatred, unhappiness, or unhappy memories of your partnership? When we first meet someone, we are completely unaware of their past. Nothing exists for one to cling to. Our memory is bare and needs to be filled. Our emotions, however, are not impartial.

When we first meet someone, we have good intentions and hope for a good relationship. You would never begin a conversation with a stranger neutrally in a meaningful world. As much as you love yourself, you would love the stranger. Naturally, you would want to set boundaries to protect yourself when necessary while also being nice and supportive to others. In order to connect, you would want to show and receive love.

Imagine the scene when your spouse enters the room.

When you look at your spouse, you don’t just see them as they are right now; you also see them as they were in the past—an hour ago, a moment ago, a day ago, and years ago. It’s possible that you’re clinging to suffering, grudges, or recollections of unpleasant experiences with your spouse. The energy you provide to your spouse is dripping with these memories. They might communicate themselves through words, a tone of voice, or a change in expression as a result of a recent memory.

The emotionally trying times in your relationship are difficult to forget.

We all experience emotions; it’s part of who we are. This can frequently help to avoid further injury or engaging in that situation again. On occasion, it can help with survival. But the saying “forgive but don’t forget” is a self-protective cliché. A warning that you won’t let “them” forget what they did was never intended to be taken as a threat.

In the end, a lot of our spouse’s actions are unintentional, part of a taught pattern of behavior, unlearned, or an instinctual reaction. Even though their actions occasionally cause you sorrow, your spouse’s actions frequently are not done with the purpose to harm you. It is acceptable that individuals make errors and attempt to fix them. We all make errors, but happily we are always given the chance to learn from them and behave differently.

Even the most upright individual will stumble and get back up several times.

The fact that we have the opportunity to try to make better decisions repeatedly is such an astounding reality because not only are we not perfect, we are not even close to it. Each error may cause some grief, but the majority heal with time and start over. One of the many benefits of living on earth is getting another chance. This present is for both you and your partner.

The first mind illustrates the notion that we frequently allow our thinking and our assumptions about what we already know to blind us to the truth.

Think of your partner as if it were your first time meeting them.

Start incorporating this practice into your daily life. When you next see someone you are familiar with, consider whether you are seeing them for the first time, with new eyes, as they truly are, or whether you are merely seeing a mirror of your own thoughts about them.

Practice. Try to observe your spouse with new eyes while you wait for a lovely moment to happen. Pretend you are meeting your spouse for the first time the next time they enter the room. Give a genuine greeting that radiates enthusiasm, a smile, a handshake, or a hug, just as you would to a complete stranger. Consider praising your partner in public by noticing something positive about them. Give it a hearing. then observe how each of you responds.