Six Things that Can Destroy Your Relationship

Even under the best of circumstances, relationships are difficult. One wants to think that a couple’s love for one another will be enough to keep them together. In my line of work, it can be heartbreaking to witness a couple that sincerely cares for one another, but who is also on the verge of separation or divorce. Some couples eventually come to the sad realization that they are unable to achieve happiness, learning the humbling fact that sometimes love is simply insufficient.

This article aims to shed light on behaviors that you or your partner might be engaging in that might be detrimental to your relationship. These ideas tend to overlap, so if you can relate to one, you probably can relate to several.

1. Making negative comparisons

One can so quickly lose sight of the initial reasons they fell in love with their significant other (or what drew them to them), and they frequently find themselves comparing them to people of the same sex. It’s possible that the initial thrill and excitement has worn off, and you’re longing for it with a new partner. Things that you deemed cute at first are now annoying.

You can think about these parallels, express them to your spouse directly or indirectly, or do both. Your words and actions may reflect them in one way or another, which may cause your spouse to feel judged, offended, and/or disrespected.

2. Neglecting to put your partner and your relationship first

Depending on each couple’s unique needs and preferences, it can be challenging to strike the right balance of togetherness and separateness in their relationship. Most people want to feel loved, valued, and wanted by their spouse while also preferring not to be swamped by them. The ideal balance would be to spend time and engage in certain shared interests, but not to rely entirely on your partner to meet all of your wants.

This point of contention frequently only intensifies with marriage. When making the ultimate commitment of marriage, an often-unspoken agreement is made: You promise to put your spouse above all other people and things. In my experience, men still expect to live the bachelor lifestyle even after becoming husbands. Relationship problems are probable if you and your partner cannot agree on these expectations.

3. Repetition of unhealthy behaviors

Let’s face it; growing up, many of us did not have access to the healthiest of relationship role models. Even if we are aware of what to avoid, we nevertheless find ourselves in the same problematic patterns in our own adult relationships until we are instructed or shown a better approach. In reality, we regularly (if unconsciously) choose partners who don’t share the same positive characteristics as our parents in the hopes that we may improve them and eventually get them to fulfill our unfulfilled demands from childhood. We rarely succeed in transforming people into the way we want them to be. A breakup, animosity, or discontent are frequent outcomes.

4. Getting distracted

It is simpler than ever to not be totally present in our relationships in today’s social media-driven environment. Despite being in the same room, couples can be distracted by their electronics, which causes a big separation. While social media has numerous benefits, it also increases the likelihood of infidelity. Spending too much time on social media interferes with in-person, genuine interaction. Substance abuse, gambling, job, hobbies and sports, and even children and their interests can be sources of distraction.

5. Refusing to consider other people’s perspectives

Partners frequently make the error of believing their significant other shares their experiences, wants, and desires rather than taking the time to truly understand the other person. Part of this is not identifying the events from their significant other’s past that cause them emotional distress in an effort to prevent upsetting the person they love. Closely related to this is the partner who insists on being right all the time, refuses to accept responsibility for their part in the issues, and is quick to point out their partner’s mistakes.

6. Withholding open communication

Any type of communication that is not aggressive is detrimental to any relationship. Stuffing beliefs, emotions, and desires makes one vulnerable to invalidation, and the related unpleasant emotions eventually have a tendency to surface in regrettable ways. No matter where a person’s communication problems come from, they always have negative effects on their relationships.

The best use of our time and effort is to concentrate on the aspects of the relationship that we can influence and alter. We must maintain the cleanliness of our side of the roadway and stay in our own lane if relationships are two-way streets. Consider discussing your role in individual and/or couples counseling if you discover that you are to blame for some of the dysfunction in your relationship.