Simple Steps to Take Care of Your Relationships

The distinction between tending to our loved ones and providing for them

A loved one’s care can be demonstrated by performing “acts of kindness” including cooking, cleaning, watering the grass, washing the car, and other tasks. This also includes earning money and providing for the other financially.

It takes an introspective, emotionally astute cognitive process and demonstration of acceptance to truly take care of our loved ones. observing their time, privacy, limits, and feelings while staying present in the moment.

Couples tend to revert to their egocentric selves, especially when they have children. This is especially true in marriages when expectations are higher than in other types of partnerships. This is the “me focused,” flimsy, judging side of the self. This aspect of oneself can be self-serving, self-punishing, and confused, especially during stressful times when one may be quite critical of oneself. It may be severe, impractical, cruel, or in charge.

I always encourage my couples to search for the hidden clues in my work. Words, body language, or time spent might all provide clues. Kate noted each of the three clues in the aforementioned scenario. Kate provided two clues: “I try so hard” and “you don’t understand.” Additionally, Vince was made aware that Kate might be feeling guilty by the time he spent and the things he saw. When Kate stated, “You don’t understand,” it might have appeared as though she was criticizing Vince, but in reality, she was pleading with him to comprehend her situation. Instead, he gave a remedy that may be construed as preachy, if not condescending: “You just need to relax.”

A hug or a “you do try hard, sweetheart” or “honey, you are not supposed to be perfect” or “sweetie, please don’t be so hard on yourself, you are great” would have been a better way for him to show her how much he cared.

However, what other course of action might Kate have taken in place of attempting to comfort her husband at what he was indicating was an inappropriate moment? The fact that these two people “Care for” one another is very evident. Did they “take care of” each other, though? Kate had the option to honor Vince’s limits. She could have relied on the fact that he was coming from a place of safety rather than indifference. Vince might have quickly evaluated his emotional inventory and concluded that he was too exhausted to listen. Consequently, he might have chosen the least confrontational route and said, “I need to go to sleep,” to prevent any awkward situations in the event that he said something inappropriate. Naturally, this is the result of him being unaware of the above-discussed method, which didn’t need much time at all.

How to take care of
Before starting a dialogue, always conduct an emotional inventory of both your own and the other person’s current state.
Establish a target and picture the outcome you want to achieve when you begin the conversation.
Clearly state that objective to your companion.
Without setting any expectations, observe whether there are any shared objectives.
Rather than imposing a solution, accept it.

Let’s play back what might have happened between Kate and Vince to wrap things off. Instead of assuming Vince could interpret the cues, Kate might have likely gotten the assistance she was hoping for if she had made a point of practicing step 3. However, if Vince had followed step 1, he probably would have seen that Kate was more in need of consolation than an evaluation of what had transpired.

Building relationships is challenging.

Love is often associated with being a know-it-all. That’s fortune telling, not love. Love requires the practice of all of the following qualities: humility, patience, and understanding. When we naturally go toward egotism and set ourselves up for false expectations and automatic negative thoughts, knowing the difference between taking care of and caring for our loved ones helps us stay humble and grounded. Not Tender Love, that is. It’s not Gentle Guidance. Gentle Love and Gentle Care. Prioritizing our own needs will help us to better communicate them to our spouses or other significant people and to give them the confidence to do the same.