Should You Really Forgive Him? YES. And Here’s Why

It can be quite difficult to understand why you would forgive someone who has wronged you. Why, after all, would you forgive someone from your past who has mistreated you sexually, slapped you, broken your trust, or abandoned you? Why might you think about pardoning your husband if he:

  • You risked your kids’ safety by driving while intoxicated.
  • despite vowing not to, he gambled and used drugs.
  • had extramarital relationships
  • viewed pornography, then lied and denied it
  • insulted, denigrated, and called you names, particularly if they did it in front of people or your kids
  • attributed his rage, discontent, and impatience to you.
  • gave you the cold shoulder
  • physically abused, punched, or slapped you
  • complaint after complaint about how nothing is ever good enough
  • avoiding acknowledging his role in the issues and disagreements in your marriage.
  • fought during social and family gatherings
  • broken agreements
  • made arrangements and significant choices without consulting you
  • ceased corresponding and emotionally distanced themselves
  • a breach of your privacy
  • arrived home unannounced and hours late
  • psychological, bodily, financial, or sexual danger

Note that this also applies to husbands who have been injured by their wives and to anyone whose partner has caused them harm.

The list of wrongdoings and injuries is essentially unlimited. You have been insulted, mistreated, violated, or abused if you have gone through any of these experiences.

the unpleasant feelings you have after being mistreated or assaulted

dangerous, frightened, uneasy, and worried

feeling isolated, abandoned, unloved, and misunderstood

Angry and bitter

Hurt, sad, downcast, ashamed, and embarrassed

Your self-esteem and self-confidence are damaged. Physical symptoms like headaches, drowsiness, diarrhea, constipation, and back discomfort are possible. You could also lose your appetite and start having trouble sleeping. On the other hand, you can discover that you turn to sleep as a form of self-medication or comfort eating. A form of eating disorder called emotional eating may develop.

Why in the world would you then forgive him?

to find comfort from hurt, anger, hatred, and dread

to feel more powerful and to stop feeling like a victim

to be in excellent health and to lessen anxiety and despair

help enhance your ability to focus, pay attention, and sleep

help improve your performance at job or school and take care of your child

to advance, recover, and be at peace

to realize it’s in your best interests, not his

Please be assured that forgiving him in no way, shape, or form excuses, accepts, or even partially justifies his actions. Not at all, no. He might not even necessarily be worthy of pardon. You are acting on your own behalf and not for him.

Please keep in mind that forgiving him does not entail maintaining an unfavorable circumstance, an unkind or abusive relationship, or continuing to provide him money to cover gambling bills or purchase narcotics. It does not imply that you are intimately involved with him sexually, physically, or emotionally. Such decisions are not incompatible with forgiveness. It implies that you are clearly outlining your limitations and boundaries as well as what you consider to be acceptable.

Despite knowing that you need to end the relationship or establish clear limits in it, you can still forgive individuals and your husband for anything.

Okay, I get it, you could reply, but how do I go about forgiving?

The Best Way to Forgive Him (or Her)

If this is something from your past, keep in mind that the other person might be totally different now, that they might be sorry, and that they might have learned from their mistakes or transgressions.

Be compassionate

Know for sure that forgiving someone does not justify or excuse unpleasant actions.

It is about them, not you, to comprehend what someone does and how they interact with you.

Consider the fact that humans frequently behave in irrational, painful, routine, and reactionary ways.

If you’re in a 12-step recovery program, work the Steps.

Learn the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to help you heal from trauma and release difficult emotions.

This essay may cause you to respond strongly, which is understandable considering that the decision of whether to forgive can be difficult and complex. Even if you choose to forgive, it may be challenging to do so. Take your time to think about, examine, and reflect on the ideas presented above. To forgive is not to forget, and it is done for your own benefit and relief, not that of anyone else.