Should We Stay Married for the Sake of our Child?

There is a space between you and your companion. The home of your connection is in this area. We contaminate that place when we are unaware of it. By being preoccupied, not paying attention, being aggressive, blowing up, or shutting down, we poison it. There are countless methods to contaminate the area between you and a close friend or family member.

We may actively remove the clutter and create sacred space in the area between us and our partner when we are aware of it. To do this, we must be totally present, listen intently, maintain our composure, and express curiosity rather than judgment over our differences.

Taking accountability in a relationship

Both parties are entirely accountable for maintaining the relational space in a close relationship. Not 50%-50, but 100% each. People that use the 50%-50% divorce rule keep score and engage in tit-for-tat. A successful marriage requires two people to provide their full attention and effort.

Think of yourself and your spouse as magnets for a second. You can instantly tell when you enter a tense, polluted environment that it’s risky, uncomfortable, and somewhere you don’t want to be. Like the identical poles of two magnets repelling one another, you move apart. However, when the environment is revered and loving, everyone bonds like two magnetic poles. It turns into a location you both wish to be in your relationship.

Furthermore, the space between you is occupied by your present and potential future children. The child’s playground is the area between two parents. Children develop and flourish in a sacred and safe environment. To survive in a hazardous and contaminated environment, they create intricate psychological patterns. To get their demands addressed, they learn to clam up or throw temper tantrums.

I was recently requested to remark on the query,

“Should people continue to be married for the benefit of the kids?”

My response was, “People should build strong, enduring marriages for the benefit of the kids.”

Nobody would argue that maintaining a marriage is difficult. However, research indicates that long-term commitment has a number of advantages for both the married couple and their children.

For his book 30 Lessons for Loving, gerontologist Karl Pillemer of Cornell University conducted a thorough poll of 700 senior individuals and discovered that “everyone-100 percent-said at one point that the long marriage was the best thing in their lives.” But they all added that getting married is difficult or extremely difficult. Why then do it?

Numerous studies conducted over the years have found that married people tend to be happier, wealthier, and healthier than their single counterparts. Compared to single women, married women have more stable finances. Long-term commitment prevents us from wasting time and energy looking for new partners all the time and from having to spend time and energy healing from the hurt and betrayal of breakups and divorces.

Additionally, keeping the marriage provides advantages and benefits for the kids. Children from “intact marriages” fare better than children from divorced homes on the majority of fronts, according to the majority of sociologists and therapists. This has been repeatedly shown to be true in research, and it appears to only fail if the marriage is seen as having a very high level of conflict. It is obvious that not every marriage should be saved, and a partner must leave if their safety is under risk.

According to research, children of divorced parents are more likely in the long term to experience financial hardship, a low level of education, poor health, and mental problems. Even more likely is the possibility that they will eventually divorce themselves. Overall, therefore, children of divorced parents are probably going to experience a lot more challenges than children of married parents.

Not giving up too soon has its own benefits

Therefore, there are some compelling reasons to work on organizing the relationship space rather than giving up too quickly. The relationship’s parties must first and foremost feel secure in both their bodily and emotional well-being. When you stop judging, defending, showing contempt, and refusing to face problems in your dealings with one another, safety will follow. Nobody will risk being vulnerable in an intimate relationship until they are confident that their spouse is a safe harbor.

Other methods that promote more sacred relationship space include identifying the exact behaviors that your partner values and demonstrating them frequently. Finding or creating shared hobbies and pastimes is crucial, as is setting aside time to enjoy them together. Have sexual relations. According to a 2015 study, having sex once a week maximizes marital fulfillment and closeness.

Sustaining a marriage

In order to make a marriage last, experts also advise some mindset adjustments. One piece of advice is to give up on the notion of finding your soul partner. There are many persons you could have a fulfilling marriage to. I hope you’re starting to understand why it would be better to create the ideal marriage than search for the ideal companion. Additionally, the majority of long-married couples affirm their desire to remain together and refuse to consider or discuss divorce as an alternative.

So, if you want to keep your child, should you stay married? In general, I believe yes.

You and your children will probably benefit from a long and stable marriage as long as there is no immediate physical risk and you can commit to making your relationship’s environment sacred and clean.