Relation

Save Your Marriage by Avoiding These Four Predictors of Divorce

If your marriage is having problems, you might be concerned about what you can do to lessen the likelihood of divorce. What if you were informed that you could forecast the likelihood of divorce with greater than 90% accuracy? By avoiding these four signs of impending divorce, you can now save your marriage.

You might not want to know whether you belong to the group of people who are most likely to divorce if you’re anything like many couples in unhappy relationships.

But if you want to keep your marriage intact, you must be aware of the behaviours that can sabotage enduring love and be able to spot the telltale indications of divorce.

Become Aware of key Predictors of Divorce

Instead of pondering when to dissolve your union, you should educate yourself on the major indicators of divorce and deal with these problems immediately. This can help your marriage immensely while lowering the possibility that you’ll end up fighting it out in divorce court.

John Gottman, a well-known relationship specialist and psychologist who works with couples, has studied marriage for many years.

He has discovered roughly four predictors of divorce after studying thousands of interactions between spouses. Even among seemingly happy couples, he has been able to anticipate divorce using these “four horsemen,” as he puts them.

It’s time to review these divorce indicators and put these obnoxious behaviours to rest if you’re ready to save your marriage.

1. Criticism is One of the key Predictors of Divorce

Yes, each of us can mention certain characteristics about our relationships that we would like to change.

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with occasionally expressing concerns. Even more creative conflict that produces actual solutions can be sparked by doing this.

But if criticism enters your life on a regular basis, your marriage may fall apart very rapidly. One of the telltale indications of a deteriorating relationship is constant criticism.

According to Gottman, unhappy couples often have eight negative encounters for every pleasant one.

In other words, unhappy couples may grumble eight times before complimenting each other. Gottman asserts that a ratio of five compliments to every one complaint is preferable.

The lesson? As long as you do so in a setting where your partner feels loved and valued, talking about your concerns is OK. One indication that a divorce is imminent is if you keep yelling at each other and refuse to understand your spouse’s sentiments.

2. Contempt Easily Qualifies as Another Predictor of Divorce

It’s common to feel upset occasionally when you live with someone day in and day out.

Contempt goes beyond anger by assaulting your partner’s self-worth. Contemptuous behaviour treats your spouse as though they are bad rather than identifying a particular behaviour as undesirable.

Contempt gradually ruins closeness and breeds greater criticism, defensiveness, and obstruction. One of the indications of an unhappy marriage and the likelihood of divorce is the act of contempt you display towards your spouse.

By concentrating on your partner’s actions, you can avoid disdain.

Recognise that contempt is a significant predictor of divorce and abstain from using demeaning language, yelling, issuing threats, and other actions that devalue your spouse. Your marriage may be saved if you do this.

3. Stonewalling can Become a Predictor of Divorce

It’s normal to desire to run away from a fight.

When under extreme stress, our brains are programmed to urge us to either flee or fight, but this reaction can swiftly endanger your marriage.

Stonewalling, or the constant avoidance of emotional conversations and dialogue, can seriously damage your marriage.

This behaviour is so widespread that several books on popular psychology and relationship advice encourage couples to embrace stonewalling.

However, allowing your partner to distance themselves from sensitive conversations is a recipe for disaster and one of the indications that you should file for divorce.

The message sent by stonewalling is that your marriage is insignificant and that there is no hope for resolving your issues. Furthermore, since stonewalling prevents conversation, it soon makes your problems intractable and moves you one step closer to divorce court.

If you’re afraid of losing your temper, there’s nothing wrong with taking a 10- or 20-minute pause. But after that, you need to go back to the argument and attentively hear what your partner has to say.

Leaving, withdrawing and playing video games, or simply refusing to participate can all result in greater sorrow, which can quickly snowball into becoming a dangerous divorce predictor.

4. Steer Clear of Defensiveness

It’s normal to feel the need to defend oneself when under attack.

However, refusing to change your behaviour despite repeated appeals from your partner is a surefire way to end your relationship.

Defensiveness makes it difficult for you to come up with simple solutions and raises your risk of acting cruelly or even abusively, which makes it a surefire indicator of divorce.

Even worse, defensiveness frequently arises from an environment where one or both parties feel under constant assault, so this behaviour may point to a variety of other issues.

Being too protective and contemptuous of your partner’s thoughts and feelings are indicators that a divorce is about to take place.

Instead of trying to figure out when to end a marriage, you should focus on beating this divorce indicator to a pulp.

Even if you disagree with what your partner is saying, keep your attention on finding solutions and make room for constructive conflict resolution.

No one is perfect, but the secret to saving your marriage is learning to take criticism.

Avoiding unpleasant behaviours when you’re upset is difficult.

But sharing a home with someone else requires you to change your routine, even when it’s inconvenient or annoying.

The next time you feel tempted to strike out, remember that divorce is considerably more unpleasant than admitting responsibility or making a few behavioural adjustments.