Marriage Goals by Fantasy Writer and Her Law Enforcement Husband

1. How did you meet your husband?

When I was twenty-two and my spouse was twenty, we first met. At the time, we were both in upstate New York, and we instantly clicked. This is how I think the first meeting went. A boy catches my eye holding a bag of chocolates. Would you like to show me your booty? (Give me a break, people. I was really hungry), at this point the child averts his gaze and flashes a cunning, hardly perceptible smirk.

“I doubt you could say that to me.” With a piece of candy in his mouth, he strolls off. That is not what I meant to say, I stammer as I sit there on my chair. Like pirate’s booty, this booty! After we were married, it continued to be a source of torment for years. I remember grabbing a bag of Pirate’s Booty popcorn from the shelf and exclaiming, “See! pirate’s loot!

2. How do your wildly different careers bring you closer together?

There needs to be a clear contrast in our mindsets and personalities for us to both be successful at what we do. He is methodical, composed, and sensible. And I write, that’s right. What do you think about me? hectic, erratic, and intensely sentimental. However, the conflicting personalities mesh well. In the extremely few times that he’s not, I’m at ease. And the other 98% of the time, he calms me down and satisfies my feelings. It’s a great combination.

Sometimes he even applies police techniques to strengthen our union. (This excludes the instance when, while sleep talking, he attempted to arrest me in the middle of the night. It was a little frightening.) He used a softer tone than mine to respond to my overly emotional self when we initially got married and disputes broke out. Unknowingly, I would equal his intensity and volume. He would eventually lower himself once again to the point where we were whispering and fighting. Subsequently, he acknowledged that it was a de-escalation technique taught to police. Even though I was a little miffed that I had been “deescalated,” this had a profoundly positive and long-lasting effect on our marriage. We don’t fight very often, and we seldom ever yell.

He’s actually come around a little bit too, thanks to my ability to notice the magic in everyday objects. In fact, the man advised that we create a fairy garden. I had to get him to say it again.

3. What are some challenges to being married to someone in law enforcement?

For any of us, this is not an easy career. It’s difficult for the kids, for myself, and for him. He adores it, though. I made the long-term decision that allowing him to pursue his passion was worth the difficulties. Being able to enjoy your work every day when you go to work is a rare talent. And just as much as he wants it for me, I wanted that for him. He works crazy hours. I alternate between having a full-time husband and being a single mother.

All of the scheduling needs to be done in a way that I can physically complete everything by myself, so that he can step in and help lessen some of the burden when he gets home. As a result, I’ve also had to switch between two different parenting philosophies: single mom mode and let’s talk about it with my partner mode. The things he witnesses on a daily basis at work have an ongoing impact on us. They have an impact on how he or we raise our kids. the restaurants we select. Where I take a seat while we dine out. What and where our kids are allowed to do is up to us.

Reminding him that he needs to report to me what he observes is another difficult task. It makes sense that he would want to shield me from the negative aspects of the world, and I am grateful for that. Nonetheless, that is mostly to blame for the high divorce rate among law enforcement personnel. Withholding what is probably half of your experiences from others creates an impenetrable barrier between you and your network of support. While he doesn’t tell me everything, he has figured out how to keep the channels of communication open and the relationship strong. After that, I have to stop telling myself stories so that I don’t worry all the time. I’m not exactly good at “letting it go,” as any of you who know me would know. But it’s the only thing I can do for my marriage, my health, and my husband’s pleasure.

4. Ever written any characters based on your husband and his profession?

Certainly based on my spouse. However, I would say that it is more “influenced by” than “based on.” Whether I intend it or not, every book seems to finish with an extremely caustic, dry, and heartbreaking character. I have a master’s degree in dry sarcasm from fifteen years of living with my hubby. And it makes my writing much better.

The profession is a little more difficult. No, was my first response. However, it dawned on me later that Ventrators: Magic Unleashed tells the tale of two teenagers who cross over to an other fantasy world where they will serve as a resemblance of police enforcement. It seems that I unintentionally did.

5. What are marriage skills, also helpful in your profession as a writer?

The finest thing you can do in a marriage, in my opinion, is to want more for your spouse than you do for yourself. If so, you’ll put forth the effort to bring that person joy. When both of these things occur, your marriage is lovely. I’ve talked about the sacrifices I’ve made to please him, but without his love, support, and sacrifices, I just couldn’t be a writer now that I am.

My spouse is the epitome of selflessness and giving. Even after working sixty-hour work weeks, he will still come home, take care of my kids while I’m away for signings, clean my kitchen in the middle of the night, and push me out of the house so I can work quietly. He has lifted a lot lately, allowing me to pursue this ambition. And he acts in this way because he values my happiness over his own. Just as I frequently do things on my own, forget the details of his day, and pay no attention to the hours.

6. What are the four most important components of any marriage?

Be humble. Love. Giving. Sincerity.

7. Advice for balancing a creative profession and a healthy marriage?

I can now balance better. Maintaining equilibrium is an ongoing, and I do mean ongoing, process. For me, there is no off switch since I’m creative. My mind is constantly active, particularly when I’m writing a novel. I write plots while preparing meals, driving (not advised), and other activities. It’s quite simple to become engrossed in something you can’t escape and lose sight of the stunning wonders that are occurring all around you.

I still need to work on balancing, but I do believe that honest communication is essential. I vividly recall the one occasion, years ago, when my husband eventually entered the room where I was writing after assuming a significant amount of responsibility so I could finish my book. We need you too, honey. He knelt beside me, waited for me to finish the line I was working on, put his hand on my arm, and spoke softly. Please don’t forget about us. I do occasionally need him to tell me to “come back to us.” After that, I have to be open to hearing, listening, and responding, “Okay.” That’s when I try to reposition myself and get a somewhat better equilibrium.

Unbeknownst to most, being creative also presents a distinct set of challenges. Whatever discipline we choose to work in, when we sit down to write, draw, or paint, things work out the way we want them to. We have the upper hand. It is cruel and agonizing to be wrenched out of those fantasies and that flow condition. Real life is unpredictable; things don’t always go as planned. Many misconceptions about artists, such as the divorced recluse who spends their days in their studio sipping enormous amounts of whiskey, are nourished by this idea. Many of these artists decide to stay where it’s simpler rather than endure the ongoing agony and shock of making the transition to real life. But if there is no one left to love you and to love life, then life and art are meaningless.