Is It Possible To Get Over Cheating & Move On In Marriage?

Her first appointment was that day. From head to toe, my 29-year-old client Mickie (not her real name, of course), who had been married for 5 years and had a 9-month-old boy, shook. Her tears broke my heart. Since Tim entirely withdrew from her in the middle of her pregnancy, Mickie had recognized that something had been seriously wrong in their marriage. Tim looked uninterested in him after Johnnie was born and started spending evenings away from the house. Then the evenings became nights. When her husband was asleep one late night, my client looked over his communications, which supported what had been clear for months.

On their honeymoon, Jack awoke at three in the morning after what he thought had been a lovely and passionate evening. There was no sign of Julie. Jack called the front desk of the resort where they were staying out of fear and requested that the grounds be searched. Julie went back to their room at five in the morning, assuming her husband would be sleeping. Jack prompted a response. At supper, a man flirted with Julie, and as she passed him, he handed her the key to his room.

Willie had never been married and was 45 years old. He had a number of lengthy romances, but each time he was persuaded to get married, he always declined. But Willie had always wanted a family, so when Martha got pregnant, he made a proposal. Despite his admiration for Martha and his love for their daughter, he felt lonely and empty in their relationship and was plagued by an uncomfortable need. Willie had put his homosexuality out of his conscious mind for his whole adult life. He became aware of his true self after being approached by a male coworker while on a business trip. In his first session with me, he admitted, “I was sickened by desires I now realize as a part of who I am, so I buried them.

The real-life examples mentioned above illustrate a few of the causes of infidelity. Mickie was adored by Tim. He didn’t feel prepared to assume parental duties for their new family, though. When he finally admitted to Mickie that he had started the affair to get away from his fear when he was seeing her in therapy, he said, “I grew anxious and terrified as the pregnancy progressed.”

Julie, an only child, came from an abusive family where her parents would hit and curse her while inebriated. They also frequently quarreled and drank. She was determined to go to school and received a scholarship from her state university, where she met Jack and fell in love with him despite the fact that his family was different from his wife’s. Julie said in therapy that she never felt deserving of the love that Jack and his family extended to her and that her one-night stand was an effort to enrage Jack and alienate him.

The example above shows that having a sexual relationship outside of marriage, whether it is a long-term relationship or a casual connection, is frequently a cry for help. Tim’s dread of having to handle adult responsibilities was evident. Tim’s challenge can take on different forms when one partner maintains an intimacy with their parents at the expense of their partner and then starts an affair to avoid having to deal with the hurt caused to their partner.

Reasons why people engage in unlawful relationships

Lack of professional confidence, an inability to find meaning in life, financial instability, an inability to hold one’s own and satisfactorily resolve marital conflict, a fear of aging, as well as an inability to deal with the aging of a partner, no matter how beloved, are a few other factors that can lead to affairs. When one partner has an affair, it may be because they are aware that their marriage is unworkable but lack the confidence to admit it. Instead, they are hoping that the other partner will grow so upset or angry that they would decide to leave and divorce on their own.

The difficulty is maintaining the love.

Marriage does not make one stay the same. The best and most satisfying marriages foster each partner’s positive and constructive growth. It can be difficult to maintain love through all of the ups and downs of married life. This takes effort, dedication, and time.

Some marriages can still be salvaged

The love between Mickie, Tim, Julie, and Jack grew as a result of their ability to use the anguish of betrayal to better understand one another and themselves. Willie felt he had treated Martha, his kid, and himself unfairly by choosing to wed. He never wavered in his admiration for Martha, and he made a fair and generous financial settlement with her. He fulfilled all of his obligations to their daughter, with whom he became closer as he gave himself permission to live a sincere life. Both Martha and he developed happy relationships with partners. They are still close friends today.

The aforementioned instances are very unlike from starting an affair out of a desire for dominance, control, or misery. An abused partner needs assistance right away in order to liberate themselves.

It is possible to love two persons for various reasons, of course. However, it is clear that finding romance is simpler for a few stolen hours when one is not burdened with wailing children, unpaid debts, and tiredness.

The commitment of loyalty is one that those who love do their best to uphold. With that being stated, yes, it is possible to save your marriage after an affair. The best course of action for this is for each partner to put in significant effort to comprehend what occurred that threatened the security of their marriage and why, and to learn from it.