Is Anger Poisoning Your Relationship?

Anger is a strong, often violent emotion that can appear in a variety of contexts. However, nowhere else can anger be as destructive as when it appears during an intense argument with a loved one. An unchecked fury can make a relationship that is normally compassionate, connected, and loving into a true battleground.

Discourse Grenades

“I despise you!” “I don’t know why I got married to you!” The phrase “You miserable slob!” “I’m so furious right now that I can’t even stand to look at you!” “You believe YOU are crazy! You jerk! You haven’t even seen angry yet.

In spite of your best efforts to remain cool, if you’ve ever been the one tossing around such verbal grenades, you know how simple it is to be caught up in the whooping war cry of rage.

The Consequences

You’re undoubtedly also aware of the emotional devastation that follows a conflict. Words of rage, which are frequently motivated by a sense of injustice or misunderstanding, when hurled mercilessly across the battlefield with reckless abandon, have the power to ruin your relationship faster than months of daily tension ever could.

Attack Mode

It is very hard for us to look at the source of our suffering and still see the great, compassionate, amazing person who we fell in love with during a fit of intense rage. Instead, our natural need for survival forces us to perceive an enemy, an outside force that is hurting us, and we want to do anything we can to stop the hurt. We frequently lash out at the apparent “attacker,” the cause of our misery, much like wild animals may attempt to claw and tear at whatever is attacking them.

Anger and conflict resolution are never equal.

In the end, though, the knee-jerk response we fire at our partners is frequently filled with nasty words that we don’t truly mean and that frequently have nothing to do with the actual issue at hand. Have you ever wondered why, when you’re angry, nothing ever seems to get resolved or solved? All around us, verbal bombs are being thrown, creating a thick smokescreen that entirely obscures the real source of the problem, the underlying ideas and feelings that need to be talked and resolved.

A Dangerous Cycle

Because it undermines your partner’s sense of security in your relationship and may lead them to start their own counter-counterattack, anger also tends to breed more fury. This loop is simple to fall into and can cause great emotional harm. Because harmful comments cannot be taken back, just as you cannot unring a bell, and after-the-fact apologies frequently do not repair the harm done. It frequently takes a lot of work to try to repair a loving, connected connection after such a conflict.

Breaking the Cycle

Gaining long-term relationship happiness for many people may depend entirely on their ability to comprehend and control their own anger. There are many various methods for controlling your anger, some of them involve counting, others breathing, and many others. You can easily locate them online by performing a quick search. Different anger-management strategies work better for different people, but deciding in advance with your spouse on an acceptable anger exit strategy that you can both use when the heat of your own anger gets too high is a crucial component of putting any anger-management approach into practice in your relationship.

You Can Be Your Own Anger Bomb Squad

The analogy of handling a deadly ticking bomb may be helpful when trying to manage your anger. You can’t just push it aside or ignore it; you have to deal with it right away to prevent an explosion. More crucially, any attempt at defusing a bomb must be made in a location where innocent bystanders won’t suffer from an unintentional explosion.

Here is when your anger management plan comes into play. When you experience that rage, use your anger escape plan. Take the anger bomb somewhere safe, away from your partner, where you can defuse or release that anger bomb however best suits you (perhaps by going for a long run, working out at the gym, going for a stroll in the park, having a heart-to-heart conversation with a close friend, hanging out in a pleasant social environment, practicing an hour of yoga, engaging in some deep meditative breathing, or listening to music).

Creating a Plan for Your Anger Exit

What does a coping mechanism for rage look like? In essence, it’s a deliberate, composed alternative to verbally or physically exploding. For instance, you and your partner might decide on a straightforward codeword you can use to instantly communicate with one another:

“I need you to know that I’m angry right now, and even though I might feel like blaming you right now, please know that I still love and respect you. Because I love and respect you and want to honor your love and respect for me, I need to take a time-out from this conversation to cool off. I appreciate your respecting me by respecting me, and I thank you in advance for respecting me by respecting me,” she said.

Yes, that is a mouthful, and most of us are simply unable to say it in a fit of rage because our brains are functioning at a completely different, far more instinctive level that is focused on survival. On the other hand, even when we’re feeling angry, saying something like “Hey, honey… umm… codeword waterfall, okay?” tends to be more simpler.

Become a Girl or Boy Scout of Relationships!

Being prepared for emergencies is crucial for both preserving your relationship and surviving natural disasters. Prepare your anger management exit options and stock up on anger management gear right away. Don’t let your “den of love” become a war; preserve its sacredness.