How to Make Your Wife Happy: Happy Wife, Happy Life

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Happy Wife, Happy Life?” I shudder every time I hear males say this during sessions. The notion of being prepared to renounce your beliefs and self-identity in order to merely avoid the inconvenience of a minor argument? Unfortunately, that doesn’t work. Because each time the male makes this claim while concealing his genuine emotions, the outcome is an emotional outburst rather than a healthy conflict. This intensely emotional reaction is nearly invariably the result of a long-term diet of not occupying your half of the space in the room.

Shouting to be heard…not paying attention

Usually, the males in partnerships are the ones attempting to avoid any sort of disagreement with their spouses. You can see how these two opposing forces are headed for an intensified battle when you add in a partner (often the woman) who is attempting to persuade the man to engage. The man is also beginning to feel emotionally torn; on the one hand, he is feeling overwhelmed since he hasn’t expressed his own opinion because he knows it might not be well accepted, but on the other hand, he has a partner who continues to push for interaction. He frequently responds to this by becoming angry and enraged rather than doing something positive. The most crucial ability for resolving disputes, listening, is utterly lost after that explosion. For both parties right now, being heard is more important than genuinely listening.

Listening is the key to fostering constructive disagreement. You’ve made a significant step toward not only healthy conflict but also a better understanding of your partner and a happier relationship if you can put aside your inner child’s desire to be understood and validated in order to truly listen to what your partner is saying and, more importantly, connect to the emotion of what they are saying. Consider this alternative: “Help me understand your point of view and the emotion connected to it.” would be a better approach than “Hear what I say!”

The “Hear what I say!” poor conflict conduct is typically immature and unreasonable. The inner child is the one who is concerned with being understood and “right.” Our capacity for reason tends to be hijacked by conflict. Our inner kid like to hang out in our amygdala, which we migrate from our frontal lobe, which is our reasoning brain, to.

The hijacking

Our responses are ineffectual and poorly expressed when they emerge from the emotional brain. In the heat of the moment, we frequently utter things that we learnt as children while acting automatically. Consider being a 12-year-old and living in a violent environment. Your parents may be fighting, or another caregiver may be the cause. No matter who it is, that disagreement and how you interpret it remain in your memory. The adult version of that 12-year-old is then affected by this because, in a battle, your inner child emerges and uses all the techniques you’ve learnt to fight. You are arguing in a way that you learnt to do when you were 12 years old since you first heard it then. Because of this, it’s not unusual to overhear comments such, “You sound like you’re 12!” in the midst of a dispute. That’s your inner child taking over.

You’ve only begun down the path of healthy conflict when you start to become more conscious of your own poor response to what you believed to be a slight by the person speaking to you and seek for clarification rather than lash out. In the end, it is not meant to imply that a content wife is not a component of a happy life. But a life like that won’t be truly happy. When both parties feel listened, respected, and loved, life is truly happy. The internationally renowned family therapist, speaker, and author Terry Real offers this alternative perspective: “You can be right or you can be married.”