How to Forgive a Partner – Steps to Self Healing

It is a universal truth among those who have been hurt: forgiveness is difficult. It is among the trickiest and most challenging ideas in human history. We experience resentment, rage, and bitterness whenever our relationship has caused us harm. It defies our basic nature to choose to forgive. And the reason forgiving is a significant act is because it defies our basic tendencies.

We attach many conditions with forgiveness

Everyone makes errors, and we would be completely powerless in our relationships if there was no trust or grace. In our culture, we associate forgiveness with a number of requirements, such as the other person having to beg for it or the perception of it being retaliation.

Freedom comes from forgiveness.

However, forgiving goes much beyond this. The exact meaning of the word forgiveness in Aramaic is “to untie.” It alludes to a liberating deed. When faced with suffering, forgiveness has the ability to bring about growth and to see the beauty even in the darkest moments. It has the ability to drastically alter lives. However, it is difficult to forgive.

After being harmed and your first feelings of rage and bitterness have subsided, you may wonder how you can forgive a spouse who has wronged you. You can heal and let go of grudges and judgments by forgiving your spouse. Even though everything seems so simple, in practice it can occasionally be almost impossible.

Misconceptions about forgiveness

Let’s dispel a few myths about forgiveness before we learn how to do it. To forgive someone is not to imply that you have to

Are you justifying your partner’s behavior?
Have lost all emotional connection to the issue; have forgotten it ever happened; need to let your partner know whether they are forgiven
You don’t need to put any more effort into your relationship because everything is good right now.

Must continue to be in that person’s life

The most crucial thing to remember is that you should never forgive your spouse.

You are attempting to come to terms with the incident’s reality and find a way to live with it by forgiving your partner. It takes time to forgive someone, and it’s not always about the person you’re forgiving. It is for yourself that you must forgive, not for your spouse. Why then is it so difficult if it’s something we do for ourselves and it aids in our growth and healing?

Why can’t I just forgive someone?

There are several reasons why it is difficult for us to forgive:

You’ve become dependent on the adrenaline rush that comes from being angry.
You enjoy being in charge.
You are unable to look past retaliation and revenge.
You identify as a victim of your own actions.
You’re worried that if you forgive, you won’t be able to stay connected to your spouse or that you’ll have to make new connections.
You are unable to figure out how to get out of this dilemma.

You can find solutions for these issues by dividing your requirements and boundaries into discrete areas and organizing your emotions. We now know why forgiveness is difficult and what it involves; the only thing left to figure out is how to forgive a spouse who has wronged you.

How to forgive?

To be able to forgive someone is the first step toward forgiveness. You might not always be willing to move on, especially if your partner has been really abusive, the hurt is too great, or they have shown no signs of regret. Before you have fully felt, expressed, recognized, and let go of your grief and anger, do not try to hurt your partner.

Locate a space where you may be by yourself with your thoughts and, if you are willing to forgive your partner, take these four actions:

1. Recognize the circumstances

Examine the incident with objectivity. Recognize the truth of it and the feelings and reactions it evoked in you.

2. Learn from such incidents

Grow as a result of such experiences. In what ways did this experience teach you about your needs, boundaries, and self?

3. Consider situations from your partner’s point of view

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes to find out why he or she behaved the way that they did. Since everyone has flaws, it is likely that your partner acted with a distorted perspective and constrained views. Consider what motivated him to behave in such a cruel manner.

4. Say it aloud

Finally, you need to choose whether or not to notify your partner that you are forgiven. If you would rather not ask for forgiveness outright, then ask yourself. For the sake of your freedom, speak the words out.

Last observation

The last seal on the hurtful event is forgiveness. You will not be constrained by it, even though you won’t forget it. You can better take care of yourself if you learn about your boundaries and go through your feelings. Be in a relationship is not easy. However, forgiveness has the power to mend the most severe wounds and improve the most tense of relationships.