How to Fight Boredom in your Marriage

Are you stuck in a rut or in need of a lifeline to rekindle the spark in your relationship? You’re insured by me! However, you must first identify any potential underlying difficulties and learn how to speak to them while showing empathy for your partner.

1. Could you be conflict avoidant?

I’ve discovered that many couples’ perception of boredom had resulted in conflict avoidance and a lack of self-advocacy on their part. It’s possible to be afraid of upsetting people or causing trouble by expressing your feelings or bringing up a problem. People also think that their spouse wouldn’t care or change, therefore they had to accept that this was the situation and cope with it.

Give yourself permission to speak out about the current problem harming your relationship and to ask for what you need. Always keep the conversation focused on the current issue by refraining from blaming, shaming, or criticizing your spouse. At first, this could seem awkward, but if done with kindness and understanding, it can provide you clarity on what you and your partner need to be happier.

2. Do you assume your partner is bored too? What if they do, but not in a cordial manner?

Never make assumptions about another person’s reality or feelings. It’s crucial to always ask questions and be interested in your spouse’s past experiences. Even though it might be difficult, pay attention to what they have to say without trying to justify yourself if they are bored and not being polite about it. This is huge. Let them know that you realize how uncomfortable it is to hear that they feel that way, and that you want to learn how to best satisfy their needs. 3) Show sympathy and empathy. They may be genuinely wounded and yearn to connect with you, therefore their anger or lack of niceness is only a façade.

Couples must engage in these open discussions if they want to grow emotionally. Opportunities for connection frequently end up being lost because people tend to worry about what can go wrong if they claim to be bored and try to predict their reply. Keep in mind that we have no control over our partners’ reactions, and we cannot assume that they will feel similarly upset. As we communicate what is going on with us, we can only treat the other person with compassion, kindness, and care.

3. Do you have the correct inquiries?

I believe that remembering the good old days and starting over can be beneficial for couples who find themselves in this state of ennui. “How did you meet?” I enquire of my clients. What drew you two together” When you were with that person, how did you feel? “What did you two share back then? To help them go from complacency to nostalgia, ask them to share the history of their connection. I would also inquire, “What is one wish you would have if you woke up tomorrow and a miracle occurred, and you had the ideal relationship?”

4. Do you try to escape the truth?

According to my observations, people occasionally choose boredom in order to feel safe in a relationship that may not be beneficial to them. Some people could be forced to make difficult decisions or walk away from a relationship before they are ready to do so if they rock the boat and want greater passion and closeness. I’ve witnessed this many, many times where the “holding pattern” of boredom has a payout. Pay attention to where your marriage is right now. Would you be okay if things continued like way for the rest of your life? If not, it’s time to do something about it.

Additionally, there are specialized ways to discuss boredom without using the phrase “I’m bored.” It usually indicates that I have a need but am not sure how to express it. To help couples connect with that, try this activity.

The 4 A’s are essential for everyone.

Recognition (to be seen and noticed. Very basic need; when unmet, people feel as though their existence is unimportant.

Acceptance (You can accept me for who I am)



The four A’s can be discussed in a conversation between partners, and each partner can commit to setting measurable goals for each of the four. For example, if I say, “I want more attention from you,” what I really mean is, “I want your undivided attention after dinner with no phones or devices, or I want to hold your hands more, or I want more from our kisses than just a peck.”