How to Feel Close and Connected With Your Partner

Although it’s in our nature to desire to feel close to and connected to other people, occasionally events can prohibit us from being able to effortlessly develop this connection.

Psychologists refer to developing the kind of closeness with someone that allows you to reveal your most private thoughts and darkest worries as emotional intimacy. Both healthy sexual relationships and friendships can have emotional intimacy. Although it is essential for human happiness, health, and wellbeing, there are occasions when our capacity for emotional intimacy is compromised.

Three things are required for emotional intimacy:

1. Trust –

To feel comfortable sharing sensitive information with someone, you must be able to trust them. For sharing and connection to happen, trust is necessary. Trust issues more frequently result from a person’s inability to trust than from the other party’s lack of reliability.

2. Security

To be able to trust, you must first feel secure both within of yourself and in the world around you. You cannot open up and trust someone if you don’t feel safe.

3. A High Level of Transparency and Openness –

True connection, whether with a friend or a spouse, requires a great degree of openness and honesty. The building blocks of being comfortable with having a high degree of openness and transparency are safety and trust.

The primary cause of many people’s diminished sense of safety and capacity for interpersonal trust is trauma, which is frequently disregarded. Trauma can alter the brain in ways that affect mood, behavior, and thought patterns. The actual meaning of trauma is far broader than what most people realize. Many people think of trauma as a catastrophic occurrence, such as an accident, sexual assault, or being there during a dreadful event. In actuality, most people have gone through some kind of trauma. Trauma is defined as a particularly traumatic or unpleasant experience that, unless otherwise treated, produces mental or emotional problems in some people for a while following the upsetting incident or occurrences.

While some traumatic events can result in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), there are many other types of trauma that can have a similar impact on neural circuitry in the brain without necessarily leading to PTSD, such as having an abusive parent, being the target of bullying at school, or being in an abusive relationship. As a result, trauma survivors may struggle to feel safe in general and able to trust others. For those people, it is consequently extremely challenging to achieve genuine emotional connection in their relationships.

What can you do if you’re traumatized, uneasy, or unable to trust others?

Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, or EMDR treatment, is a ground-breaking method for treating PTSD that is now also used to treat victims of trauma of all types and levels of severity. To treat feelings of fear, anxiety, anger, loss, and emotional suffering, EMDR therapy uses bilateral brain stimulation, either through eye movements, sound tones, or tapping. Additionally, this procedure restores emotions of security and trust, allowing individuals to forge strong, emotionally close connections.

Resolving emotional intimacy boundaries can be aided by trauma treatment. In order to determine whether you have unresolved trauma, you may wish to address your concerns with a local or online EMDR therapist or trauma expert if you find it difficult to feel close to and connected to people.