How to Co-Parent with a Narcissist

They are a narcissist, which is the reason you are no longer with them. Narcissists are genuinely in love with themselves, as everyone knows, and sadly, everyone else is well down their priority list. which explains why your partnership failed.

Your breakup becomes more difficult if you have kids together. Navigating the practicalities and the turmoil is made considerably more difficult by the fact that your ex is a narcissist. Of course there will be drama, no doubt about it. The following advice can help you co-parent with a narcissist:

Write out the rules

You can attempt to establish limits orally, but it will be difficult to hold your ex accountable unless they are in writing. Because it’s common knowledge that your ex will do all in his power to cross those lines. Send them an email to make sure everything is understood, and send it again if necessary. What provisions ought to be included in the rules? When to call or text you and/or the child, the location and timing of meetings, etc. It will be more difficult to establish home rules unless you both agree on them, but you can try to figure them out together. Naturally, the court’s rulings are included in the final rules as well.

Put the drama aside.

There will undoubtedly be drama. Additionally, it won’t stop. Drama is just an adult version of a temper tantrum, and a narcissist will do everything to grab your attention. You should therefore anticipate crying, whining, complaining, and overreacting to everything. grousing over the locations of meetings. whining during their visitation about all the things they needed to do. attempting to agitate you over something or other—ignore it. It’s best not to respond to the drama too much. Just pay attention to the facts. If you can recognize the drama for what it is, drama, it will make your life so much easier.

To protect yourself and your child, use the law.

Don’t wait for something significant to happen just because you think you can handle things on your own. Whenever you are interacting with a narcissist, it is good to take precautions. Speak with your attorney about having the court designate a parent coordinator to handle scheduling and communication if it is becoming too much for you. Possessing one can significantly reduce your level of tension.

Additionally, discuss with your attorney the possibility of appointing a Guardian ad Litem for your child if your former partner is creating problems with custody. They are there to protect your child from harm, which is advantageous if your former partner is attempting to cause issues. A custody agreement should be finalized, including with the specifics of who pays what and when for visits, among other things. Generally speaking, communicate with your lawyer.

If you have to, go it alone.

Sometimes, your narcissistic ex will just say no to cooperating with you. You can no longer “co-parent” in that situation. After that, you engage in “parallel parenting.” Do what you please, for instance, if they refuse to budget for specific holiday plans. Not getting your child anything for Christmas is not a big deal. Enjoy your personal Christmas with customs that are unique to you. Regarding what your ex says, don’t worry. They have nothing to stand on as long as you stay inside the parameters set by the courts.

Have a conversation with your kid.

Even though your child is small, they will observe and hear confusing things from your former partner. Maybe your ex is making disparaging remarks about you or trying to make you feel uncomfortable. Your youngster may not grasp what is happening, even though you do. Don’t turn your child against your ex, though, as they also need to have a relationship with them. Discuss with your kids the sometimes-confusing differences in viewpoints between you and your former partner. Additionally, let your child know that you and your former partner adore them. When your child needs to talk, be there to listen.

Make sure your youngster attends therapy

It is highly recommended that your child get counseling in order to help them process their breakup with their former partner and acquire healthy coping mechanisms for their narcissistic parent. Your youngster wants to satisfy their other parent as much as they trust you. Having an impartial third person, like a therapist, can truly assist them in seeing the problem for what it is and figuring out how to handle it. Counseling might be beneficial for you as well, both for yourself and for your child.