Getting Married? Here’s 1 Must-Know Secret for Success

Getting married? That’s a significant deal.

Even though life is only a short time, a lot may happen in it. By choosing to get married, you are choosing to travel through all of life’s ups and downs together, no matter what. When you get married, you commit to staying together even when things are difficult, which they will be, even when you don’t particularly like each other, which will happen occasionally, and even when you feel crushed, alone, and hopeless in your relationship (as awful as that sounds, such moments aren’t uncommon)… You won’t abandon your love.

After being married, you can no longer leave. You two are in this together, for better or for worse. Now, I don’t intend for this to be a depressing or terrifying view of marriage. You may be sure that you won’t ever have to face life’s hardships alone by making this pledge to one another. You have a partner, comrade, best friend, companion, and lover for the rest of your life. You have someone to share all the wonderful, lovely, and life-altering experiences with. And that’s something to genuinely rejoice about. You have discovered what I think every human searches for in one another. Congratulations!

However, I want to maintain my sense of reality because getting married is a major event.

Even though we yearn to have long-lasting marriages and spend our golden years with the people we love, the reality is that by the time most couples are in their mid-fifties, nearly half of them will have either separated or divorced (Kennedy & Ruggles, 2014). This sobering number makes the idea of surviving your entire lifetimes together seem overwhelming. But have no fear—you can succeed.

The Key to Success

I’d like to share a little marriage secret that I’ve learnt with you since I believe it will make your sacred relationship with your future husband even stronger. Pay close attention because I doubt many people are aware of this.

Marriage is a mechanism for human growth: You will face the exact problems in your relationship that you need to overcome in order to develop and sharpen your edges. You’ll have plenty of chances in your marriage to grow into your greatest self. Knowing this helps you see the tough times for what they are—chances to shine and clean up your act.

Consider the fact that our generation may have higher expectations for marriage than previous ones. Nowadays, unlike in the past, marriage is about more than just having a partner, having kids, and having financial security. Today, marriage is about developing our souls and developing a rare level of connection and safety with another person. It is about fully understanding ourselves, fully knowing another, and fully accepting and adoring ourselves in all of our complexity and messiness. Marriage should be an experience of intense love, empathy, passion, adventure, safety, and oneness while still allowing each partner to maintain their own independent, admirable, deserving selves. But maintaining this kind of connection requires a lot of effort! It’s a risky, sensitive, and occasionally painful job… I also think it’s the most satisfying and rewarding work we can perform.

I believe that one of the main reasons so many marriages fail is that people do not know this secret before they tie the knot. They have all the wonderful expectations of what a marriage can be when they get married, but they don’t often realize how marriage drives us to change or how challenging it can be. We learn as children that marriage and love would bring us happiness and bliss forever, and when they don’t, people give up. Or we enter into marriage knowing that the chemistry will wane and accepting that this is normal and that there is nothing we can do to change it. When that becomes intolerably lonely, people end the relationship. Additionally, it’s simpler than ever to end a marriage in today’s society.

Don’t settle for ‘normal

I frequently cite to couples the fact that “normal” marriages are not all that fantastic and don’t always last. You need to aim for better-than-normal if you want to properly position yourself for success. When the opportunity for hard work arises for you two, don’t be afraid of it, but don’t accept it either. Visit a sex therapist, look into premarital therapy or couple enrichment, go to couples counseling, a course, or a retreat. Perform your personal growth and healing work. (Hey, we all carry around baggage in our relationships!)

Keep on, don’t give up. Even when things are rough in your marriage, they will come up again, especially if you keep in mind my secret: that these difficulties are gifts, resources, and chances for growth. So, as you decide to marry each other, have faith that you are making the proper decision. Then, pick one another once more, every day, in the way that you love one another, and especially when this marriage is forcing you to mature as a couple. Do not forget that getting married is a significant event that affects the development of many people