Funny Marriage Advice for Her

It’s time, ladies, to get real. Very humorous, hopefully. While marriage itself is far from dull and stale, marital counsel may be. If you allow yourself to be receptive to it, it may be wild, insane, and occasionally simply amusing. These words of wisdom are still true, but they’ve been spiced up with humor and sarcasm. You and your spouse can chuckle as you exercise your power freely and see positive changes in your marriage.

Choose what to eat for dinner. Please

Steer clear of responses like “I don’t care,” “wherever you want to,” or “it doesn’t matter to me” when your spouse asks where you want to eat dinner. Over the years, you may have noticed that your partner occasionally becomes annoyed by this answer. It’s not because they’re angry that you’ve given them complete control over the dinner arrangements. It’s because they want to eat somewhere you’ll appreciate and they want your opinion. Like myself, most men will eat almost anything. No matter where the restaurant is, they will be able to find something on the menu that they enjoy.

On the whole, though, our female counterparts tend to be pickier eaters. We are providing you with the option to select so that you will be happy with both your main meal and your company.

Simplify the process instead of repeatedly playing the tiny game of “I’ll go anywhere, dear, you choose” on date nights. Give him three possibilities that would suit your tastes if he asks where you’d like to go to dine. He can then select the restaurant that appeals to him the most among those that are listed. This is a win-win strategy since you are satisfied that you are not forced to make the final decision and he is satisfied that you have the option to select.

Get off social media. He is indifferent.

Be prepared for your husband to be unimpressed or uninterested in your joy if you lean over and show him how many likes your Instagram photo of you and your dog received. You might be neglecting the one person you most want to receive the most attention from while you watch the numbers grow on your favorite photos and status updates. At some point, he might turn to face you and say something like this, albeit it’s likely to be oblique at first:

“Why don’t you give my dick some attention and treat it like Facebook?”

Brutal? Yes. All I’m trying to say, though, is that you shouldn’t be shocked. Hopefully, your husband will speak out a bit more when he needs to, but just in case, consider cutting down on his Snapchat time a little. Although it may be difficult to ignore the interactions you have with individuals online, try not to allow them overshadow the opportunity for interaction with the person sitting next to you.

Give and it will come back to you.

Do you ever find yourself lamenting the lack of chemistry in your romantic relationships? If so, reflect on the early days of your marriage, just when the honeymoon phase was beginning to wear off. How many times did you tell him, “Not tonight, babe,” or swat his hand away? I’m extremely worn out. It’s your responsibility to heal the subconscious wounds that that rejection caused to your man’s ego.

Take the lead if you want your sexual life to be more stimulating. He might have been inspired to take action by the exact same idea, but he’s trapped in the shell that your earlier rejections gave him. Give him the benefit of the doubt and force him to take the initiative. Enter the bedroom while sporting a wig. Take a random swing at him and don’t expect anything in return. Give and it will come back to you. Believe me.

Attempt to be more caring when the “man cold” strikes.

Now, take a moment to Google “man cold” if you’re unfamiliar with the term. I’ll hold off. Okay, excellent. You’ve returned. Therefore, as you may have read, when we males get sick, we usually go from really well to dead rather fast. I realize that sounds pitiful. You kind of look down on us for it, I know. But would you still please take care of us?

We both know I’d be lying if I said it’s because we’re so tough that the serious stuff is the only thing that brings us to our knees. In all honesty, all you really need to do is look after us the way our mothers used to. I know some of you will take offense at this, but just give us this one. We’re all flawed and quirky, so please don’t make fun of us when we get sick and pout like little children. It wouldn’t hurt to resurrect us while you were dressed as a nurse for Halloween in your college years. You might be surprised at how quickly he gets out of bed.

We hope that these suggestions gave you a small chuckle and gave you some ideas on how to make your partner grin. He is flawed, yes, but so are you. Long-term benefits will accrue to both of you to the extent that you both prioritize it. Accept their peculiarities and use them as an opportunity for some well-earned humor. And really, choose a meal option. Please.