Relation

Bio-Dome Marriage: 5 Tips for Safety & Security with your Spouse

Most of my clients are aware of the fact that I sometimes illustrate my points in treatment with arbitrary, perhaps absurd parallels and metaphors. Being a visual learner myself, having a linking allegory increases the likelihood that I will apply the subject at hand. So, I had to laugh at myself recently when I used the movie “Bio Dome” to emphasize the significance of safety and security in a marriage during a couple’s session.

If you don’t mind my reminding you, “Bio Dome” was the 1996 movie starring Stephen Baldwin and Pauly Shore. It was a crazy film about two buddies who, for some reason, find themselves confined to an experimental dome for a year and are forced to live alone. Doesn’t that seem exciting? Whether you’re a fan or not, it offers a wonderful illustration of the importance of fostering stability in a marriage so that it can flourish.

Here is a brief synopsis of “Bio-Dome” events.

A group of scientists construct a secure, isolated environment that is capable of functioning fully. Before the two main characters start to penetrate and destroy the stunning ecosystem and are forced to face their irresponsible behavior in order to save the Bio-Dome, it offers a lush setting with everything one could possibly require. What does that have to do with marriage, then?Surprisingly, it paints a picture of what we ought to aim for and accomplish with our partners.

You see, a feeling of safety and security is one of the fundamental requirements of a happy marriage. Security is the knowledge that our support system will be there for us no matter what. Security entails that our person won’t flee if circumstances get difficult. Security is the knowledge that our significant other has promised to love us through good and terrible times, beautiful and ugly days, in excellent health and when we make errors or say the wrong thing. Security is knowing that both partners are committed to the relationship “for-ev-er” (Yep, another 90s movie reference for you! In “The Sandlot”).

Safety is the capacity to fully express who we are. Safety implies that we are not need to hide or play tricks. We can be lovingly honest and unafraid of having unpleasant conversations because we are safe. Safety is the feeling of being able to own our mistakes without blaming others or being defensive.

Similar to the Bio-Dome, safety and comfort within a marriage provide a happy, cozy refuge where the two of you can interact without worry, subtext, tension, or treading carefully. It sounds perfect, but because to our pride and fears, the majority of us find it difficult to establish this level of safety and security in our marriages. So, here are some suggestions for harvesting a setting that will let you and your spouse to live in a miniature “Bio-Dome”:

1. Create an atmosphere of empathy and understanding rather than judgment

Compliment your spouse on a difficult day at work rather than offering advice. Avoid trying to convince your partner not to express their sentiments by validating them instead. Give your spouse the freedom to act if they do something differently than you do and it is not a matter of “right or wrong”; instead, refrain from passing judgment based on your own preferences.

2. Listen to comprehend rather than to respond. not to react, but to hear

Many of my clients start conversations off politely and with the best of intentions, but they soon find themselves in a ping-pong match of defense and deflection. When one person refuses to hear what their spouse is saying or challenges it, the conversation quickly breaks down, leaving both partners feeling frustrated and misunderstood. Confrontation becomes unpleasant as a result of this pattern, and couples eventually learn to completely ignore contentious subjects in order to maintain harmony. Therefore, the next time your partner brings up a topic, try to comprehend, try to put yourself in their position, and try to remember that even if you don’t agree with them, their reality is true to them. Validate. Pose inquiries. Accept responsibility.

3. Don’t budge

This means that you shouldn’t leave the area. Things in a marriage start to break down the moment security is threatened. I don’t mean financial or self-worth security when I say that. I’m referring to a security in which both partners have completely invested. This means that you shouldn’t leave an argument without first agreeing to take a break. This implies to avoid using the term “divorce” in stressful circumstances. This means that you shouldn’t remove your wedding band if you’re in pain, and you also shouldn’t toss it at anybody else. You must be certain that your person is stationary in order to feel protected. And any behaviors or statements that suggest a possible future apart create flaws in the structure that finally cause the entire building to collapse.

4. Be sincere

Keep It Simple, Stupid, or “KISS” is a phrase I frequently use while speaking to married couples. In a marriage, simplicity is a lovely thing. Imagine the freedom of not needing to avoid certain subjects at any costs. Imagine the happiness of not having to hide your true self for fear of scorn. Imagine your lover speaking to you without you questioning whether or not there is a hidden purpose. By fostering an environment of acceptance, you are allowing your partner the opportunity to be truly authentic. However, it is equally necessary for you to take down whatever barriers you may have in order to shift from self-preservation to true sincerity.

5. Recognize your primary wounds and triggers.

We all have wounds, whether they stem from past relationships, childhood trauma, or even current marriages. When these core wounds are activated, we can quickly go into fight, flight, or escape mode. Unfortunately, the majority of us are unaware of our triggers and often marvel how a simple financial discussion can so easily escalate into a major argument about accountability. Both partners should be honest about their areas of uncertainty, self-doubt, and suffering. And then to have a talk about what kinds of remarks, glances, inquiries, etc. can cause those repressed emotions to surface. Remember to acknowledge and comprehend your partner’s pain rather than trying to reason it away.

In conclusion, I suppose it’s best to keep in mind the humanity that goes into marriage in order to ensure safety and security. We are two flawed individuals attempting to navigate life together. We have wounds, egos that are prone to injury, and an innate urge to shield oneself from suffering. Try to perceive your companion as a person today.

Recognize that they experience a lot themselves. Recognize that both you and other people have burned them in the past. And remember that their sentiments are just as essential, real, and valid as your own. This week, I encourage you to have a conversation with your spouse about how to strengthen your marriage’s sense of security so that you can, like Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin, dance, enjoy, and be who you truly are in your Bio-Dome of safety known as marriage.