Being Whole: Are You Complete on Your Own?

When people come to me for marriage counseling, I frequently ask to meet with both partners alone for a couple’s session.I should take this opportunity to get to know each spouse in the marriage on their terms. A spouse may occasionally feel that they are unable to tell their partner the whole truth about something. Since it can be challenging to have an honest conversation about money, intimacy, and past traumas with a spouse, we address these topics in individual sessions before bringing them up in marital sessions. Many of the couples I work with are aware of this and willing to participate in these first few sessions.Anything to strengthen their union, you think?Whenever I suggest individual counseling for both parties, that’s when the challenge arises.

The idea of individual counseling

People are less enthusiastic about the idea of individual counseling, for whatever reason. I hear this all the time: “We attended couple’s therapy. Mend our marriage. or frequently, “I have nothing wrong with me. “They are the ones that require counseling.

In a problematic relationship, it can be simple to become obsessed with all the things your partner is doing incorrectly. If only they were going to change. Everything would be perfect if they would just stop doing that really annoying thing. Alternatively, it’s simple to concentrate only on the shattered relationship. If only we were able to speak more clearly. If only we knew some tricks to make the bedroom more interesting. Yes, having better communication is usually beneficial, and having a great sexual life may solve a lot of marriage issues. Ultimately, though, a marriage is the result of two people learning to navigate one another. And that’s frequently forgotten.

When we marry, we join together in a union

We make a legally-binding, frequently spiritual vow to become one. With our spouse, our “better half,” or “significant other,” we navigate life together. Our partner is frequently our first choice for crisis support when we are having issues with money or family. We have to confirm that “we have no plans” with our partner before committing to anything. It is frequently simple to become lost in this dynamic. to lose sight of the fact that, despite becoming one, we are still the people we were before to becoming married. We still have our own aspirations, which might or might not coincide with those of our partner. Our strange inclinations and pastimes don’t have to coincide with theirs. Even after getting married, you remain authentic. What’s even more upsetting is that your spouse is a unique individual.

Importance of individuality in couples counseling

What then does it mean to be two people, and why is this relevant to couples therapy?To put it mechanically, unless both of you—your spouse and yourself—are functioning well, the unit—that is, the married couple—won’t function well.What does it mean to perform well on your own?Self-care is not really celebrated in this culture.The well-being of the individual is not given the attention it deserves.But ideally, you ought to have self-assurance.Engaging in activities you enjoy and feel good about is a good idea (exercise, hobbies, goals, a meaningful vocation).Things that you feel confident enough in to carry without needing the approval of others.

Achieving self-fulfillment on your own is another aspect of proper self-care. Yes, it’s a lovely idea to “find your other half” and ride into the sunset, living a happily ever after, but this idea is nonsense, as you are probably aware if you understand the importance of couples counseling. I would even go so far as to say that it is harmful to think that we need someone to complete ourselves. How many unhappy unions have been entered into or maintained because one partner was afraid of being alone? As though a person’s solitude is the worst possible fate. We should be complete persons in and of ourselves; in fact, it’s highly possible that we already are. Furthermore, it frees us to enter into a marriage of our own free will if we are content to be alone and whole persons without having someone to be our “other half.”

We are basically holding ourselves captive if we think that in order to make something broken work, we must continue in our marriage or else we are not entire human beings. A happy marriage is one in which we may decide to allow our spouse to enrich our life because we want them in it.

What makes a marriage happy?

So what is the process here? How can we complete ourselves as individuals to improve our marriage? Individual therapy and self-care are two of the most difficult things a person can accomplish, despite the fact that they appear simple to implement. It calls for introspection. It necessitates relinquishing control of our happiness to other people. It necessitates accepting rejection. And getting through that emotional maze might be rather difficult for certain people.

It takes effort to feel whole and complete on your own, but it’s a prerequisite for being a good companion to someone else. How liberating would it be for your partner to select you for who you are rather than because you feel like they must complete you, if you could be free from holding yourself emotionally hostage? Imagine how much happier you two would be if you didn’t have this strange emotional burden of incompleteness.

Are you finished by yourself? Are you letting your partner complete you? Speak with your spouse. Find out if they feel complete. Alternatively, if they believe you are required to finish them. Do the two of you desire this? Although it is challenging to cover this topic in an essay, there are tools available to assist you, and speaking with a counselor one-on-one can help you get started. The secret is to always keep in mind that you are already whole; sometimes we simply forget this.