Relation

3 Words That Can Save Your Marriage: Acceptance, Connection, and Commitment

Every relationship has a special combination of characteristics that express who you are as a pair. Your partner and you “work well together” as parents and partners, or your relationship is “fun,” “passionate,” or “intimate,” according to you. Your partnership is like a fingerprint; what makes you two feel alive and joyful is special to you both.

However, there are some components that I think are essential for any relationship to succeed. Working on these pillars is especially crucial if your marriage is having problems. Even the best relationships, though, occasionally require some “fine tuning.” If I had to pick just three principles, they would be: Acknowledgement, Relationship, and Commitment

Acceptance

The opportunity to fully accept and value our spouse for who they are is one of the best gifts we can give them. We frequently make fun of those who attempt to change their relationship, and we occasionally forget to consider the effects that this has on them. Think about your closest friends and family members: You probably feel at ease and secure around them because you know that you can be authentic and will (still!) be accepted and appreciated for who you are.If you have kids, remember how happy they are when you smile at them and let them know how happy you are to be there! Try to picture how you would feel if you treated your lover the same way.

Our unmet expectations and unfavorable judgments are typically what stand in the way.We want our partner to be more like us—to think and feel like we do, for example.We struggle to comprehend that they are just unique from us! And we work to mold them into what we believe they ought to be.This is a surefire prescription for marital discord and failure.

Consider a characteristic of your relationship that you would criticize or judge. Consider: From whom did I obtain this opinion? Did I pick it up from my family? Do I hold this against myself? See if you can tolerate it—or even appreciate it—about your mate after that. If not, you might need to make a request on a behavior you’d like your partner to alter. But try to accomplish this without placing blame, feeling guilty, or receiving criticism (even “constructive criticism”!).

One of the cornerstones of a solid relationship is “Radical Acceptance” of your partner.

We could add the following to Acceptance:

Friendship
Appreciation
Love
Respect

Connection

Making time for each other is one of the main obstacles that couples confront in today’s fast-paced society. This will make it more difficult if you have young children or a busy work schedule. You must prioritize spending time together if you want to avoid one of the biggest hazards to relationships—drifting apart. You also want to have an emotional connection with your companion. When we genuinely and honestly share with one another, this happens.

So ask yourself: Do you show your partner that you are curious and interested in them?Do you openly express your deepest emotions, including your hopes and aspirations as well as your frustrations and letdowns?Do you take the time to truly listen to your partner and convey that they are your first priority? You probably did these things when you initially fell in love, but it could require some deliberate effort to do them now if you’ve been dating for a long.

Being present and connecting with vulnerability and openness are essential components of love. Love withers away without this.

Possible additions to Presence are:

Attention
Listening
Curiosity
Presence

Commitment

My advice to couples is frequently, “You need to radically accept each other for who you are, and be willing to change!”Therefore, commitment is truly “Acceptance” on the other side.While we want to be allowed to “be ourselves,” we also need to make a commitment to going above and beyond to care for one another and our relationship.True commitment is something you do every day rather than just an occasion (such as getting married). We make a commitment and follow through on our promise.

Consider your desired behavior in a relationship:

Loving?
Kind?
Accepting?
Patient?

And if you committed to these ways of being and put them into practice, what would that look like? A crucial first step is to be clear about how you WANT to be and how you TEND to be, and to commit to the former. Then, resolve to do even a tiny step to bring about this. By the way, despite the fact that we frequently act in this manner, I’ve never heard someone express a desire to be “angry, critical, defensive, or hurtful.”

Accept what cannot be altered and resolve to alter what can.

We could add the following to Commitment:

Values
Action
Right effort
Nurturing

It may seem like plain sense, and it is, that all of this! But we all need reminders since it’s extremely human to forget to do something we know we should. I sincerely hope you find this information useful and will take the time to give your relationship the care it needs.