16 Principles for Effective Communication in Marriage

The lack of effective communication with the spouse is detrimental to a marriage.

Arguments in marriage that are marred by ineffective communication have the potential to become increasingly heated if they are not addressed. They may result in fights, a breakup, or even a divorce.

It goes without saying that problems with the kids, the in-laws, or finances could be the topic of contention. But failing to establish good communication in a marriage can make it impossible to work out any problems.

This list of 16 guidelines can assist you in developing and implementing productive communication techniques in your marriage, should you find yourself searching for a concrete answer to the question, “How to communicate with husband without fighting?”

What are the fundamentals of successful communication?

In his book “Christian Counseling,” author Gary Collins provides 16 guidelines for productive marital communication.

1. Avoid double messages

Steer clear of expressing something and then nonverbally refuting it. We use body language, gestures, tone, facial expressions, and words to communicate. Thus, exercise extreme caution!

2. Take care of it right away

It is possible for delays to produce layers of unfavorable feelings.

3. Honor intercultural connections

Recognize that various cultures may interpret the same gestures in different ways.

4. Be respectful at all times.

Always demonstrate respect for your partner’s value as a human being.

5. Admit that different perspectives exist on issues

Never think that your point of view is the only or the most important one.

6. Focus on the current issue

Throwing the past into a discourse leads to a clouding of the communication. It’s best to refrain from bringing up tangential issues, frustrations, and previous transgressions.

“For better or worse” offers a route to productive communication in a married relationship as well as the assurance of forgiveness.

7. Fight fair

Refuse to accept criticism, hyperbole, putdowns, blaming, name-calling, insults, sarcasm, and absolutes.”You never.” “You always. “It’s best to stay away from phrases like “You should” and “You shouldn’t.”

Due to their aggressive nature, these unjust verbal weapons only serve to intensify a dispute and typically cause the target of the debate to go on the defensive.

8. Be precise

Be precise and succinct in your language.

9. Tell the truth about how you really feel.

Try not to say, “You made me feel.” Giving up your own authority is a justification for inappropriate conduct.

“I” statements are shorter. “I felt awful when you said that.” This is a more effective method to communicate your emotions.

9. Be truthful but considerate.

Recognize how your partner is experiencing. We are aware of the hurtful words.

You have to understand that any relationship can be ruined by purposefully employing cruel language.

10. Refrain from accepting or creating excuses too hastily.

Whether your acts are right or wrong, own up to them.

11. Pay attention

With caution, deference, and civility—and without complaint or disturbance.

12. To get clarification, pose questions

To truly assist your partner comprehend, ask questions and be prepared to respond to any inquiries.

13. Pay attention to the way you speak.

To convey your point, take the courteous, gentle, and compassionate route. Shouting is the antagonistic driving force behind disagreements because it increases the urge to be heard.

Arguments are fueled by emotions for both parties involved. A kind response deflects anger, but harsh remarks incite it.

14. Make compliments and jokes

Humor and encouraging words go a long way toward maintaining open lines of communication in marriage.

15. Develop the practice of offering life’s gift of good, uplifting words.

Develop the habit of offering the gift of life, nice and encouraging words, listening intently, pointing out the positive, and doing acts of kindness.

Personally speaking

Getting an understanding is a concept I respectfully add to Collin’s list of guidelines for successful marital communication.

Avoid entering your relationship with false and unstated expectations.This is a recipe for catastrophe, unless your partner can read minds.

It is unjust to assume that your spouse will perform, say, or maintain specific tasks or responsibilities because of their gender, age, or cultural background. This undermines your ability to have productive conversations with your spouse. “Men are supposed to take out the trash; women should cook or make the bed.”

Learn how important communication is in a marriage and cooperate to make your union succeed. “The main thing is wisdom, so acquire wisdom and understanding with everything you acquire.” (Proverbs 4:7)


I apply these ideas when guiding married couples with successful communication. Couples can effectively resolve nascent or deeply ingrained resentments in their marriage by adhering to principles of successful communication.

But it’s a good idea to temper all of these lovely ideas with the one that brought them all together in the first place: LOVE.

Love is an action word; express it with kisses, meaningful gestures, and romantic gestures. Try marital communication exercises like Three and Three, in which both spouses state the three things they appreciate and don’t like in the other, in addition to love.

Being tactile and kind has power; it’s a nonverbal communication method that can melt your partner’s heart and pave the road for enduring, fruitful communication in a marriage.